was messaging stef and
i came to a sudden realisation about
the phrase people always use,
"i wanna be myself again."

what's the definition of being myself again?
when we are always ourselves.
its just that the environment and
matters around us mould us into
a different person everyday.
truth is, we can never be the person we were
yesterday or the day before because
time has moved forward and will always
move forward.

how much we wished we could be the
person or character we were yesterday,
its just impossible because something new
happens everyday.
so what is being myself again?
it has been ourselves all this while.

i've changed too.
being all alone at home now
it got me thinking.
i've changed but i am still me.
i've become so skeptical of everyone
so mean, so harsh, so different.
i've grown up, becoming more accustomed
to the ugly side of human nature.
jealousy, envy, anger, impatience, arrogance.
all these characteristics of mine
are beginning to take a toll on myself.
but i believe that i'll be able to pull
through this just as i have in the past.

steff asked, "yunnie why are you so strong?"
i've been through the toughest moments
of my life, thats why.
i've cried, threw tantrums and get drunk.
but at the end of the day, nothing will
change even if i degrade myself like this.
besides, life is more than just about a
single unhappy event that happened.
i told steff that i took five years to
wake up from my nightmare and im glad i did.
although it took quite some time
but im glad it went away eventually.

i use to question the phrase that
"God wouldnt throw us complications
He knows we cant handle."
but i cant agree more with it now.
everything takes time and only time
can reveal the true meaning of all the
sufferings we are going through now.
and i would like to thank Ivan for this,
he has always encouraged me with the
word of the Lord. even though im always so
mean towards him.


/everyday i work towards transforming
myself to be a better me.